Wishes

"I should want someone who God wants, not who I want"
- Mr Yeong

Amazing how small chats just start to touch your heart, and it touches the deepest corner of your heart. I was just chatting with a good friend of mine awhile ago, about what our wishes are. So I began talking about, sitting down at a balcony, sipping milk and staring at the stars being one of my top wishes. And we chatted. Then through the conversation, he said that. It really just set me thinking, whether the people I want are the people God wants. Are the things I wish for the things pleasing to God?

It really got me thinking hard, about my wishes in life. Are they based on my own desires? Or are they solely based on the perspective of living my life as a worship for God? I can only say, Thank you Lord, for allowing me to think it through. We also talked about, how we must face this as we grow up.

But growing up doesnt mean we become any smarter, nor become any better, nor any braver. It simply means being more responsible of your life, holding your life more tightly for yourself.

"Being brave is not being more courageous to face challenges, but it is admitting your weaknesses and pain, and not running away from them anymore."
- Mr Yeong

Indeed indeed!

(No Subject)

Had a really really bad week, including today. I went for every training, and yeah, it was really really tiring, one of the most tiring weeks I ever experienced in track. Things are not going well, I'm hitting really bad timings, not meeting up to my usual standards and lastly, getting back to an injury state. Really really frustrated. It really feels like no matter how much effort I put into every training, I'm not improving.

This is probably one of the tough moments an athlete must face, and I know its the moment that decides which way I head as an athlete. I'm really tired and afraid that I won't make it for next year's nationals. The feeling of watching my friend's improve, while I remain stagnant, and injured, totally ugh. Its not one of jealousy though, just more of anger and resentment towards myself, towards my own body.

And I'm facing the risk of another injury, right at the time when I need to train and buck up. I just want to train and train, no matter how tiring it is, but it seems that my body is unable to, considering that I just recovered a month back.

I need God more than ever now, and I will depend on Him. I will trust that He will be there no matter what happens, at least thats what I want to do.

I want to train

The holidays are so filled with many many things, I cant catch my breath. I want to train, but there is simply no time, and Im feeling really vexed about it. I'm afraid that my stamina will drop, that my speed will decrease, that I cannot make it for next year's national competition.

I really want to train, like right now. I really pray that even though I lack a little time to train as compared to others, everything will go well. Cant stand it right now, how irritating it is when there are so many things blocking me from training.

Please! God will make a way, help me remember that.

Holidays? What holidays?

Yep, except for not going to school and doing homework, everything practically remains the same for me during the holidays as compared to during school days. And I'm not saying its bad! Its wonderful in a way, where I can go ahead and occupy myself with things I love to do!

Just that some assignments and events I'm attending are giving me a little pressure. I know I must not be worried for the future, but my sec 3 options just keep coming back to worry me time and time again. GRR, IM NOT GOING TO THINK ABOUT THAT. NVM.

I pray that tmr's event would be carried out just fine! Its a model united nations event, the first I am going to attend, and hopefully I will enjoy it!

One thing bothering me alot is about track. I'm not being jealous or what, just that I get a little bit upset when my seniors who have not been training very hard come back and win me. I understand that Im not in the liberty of saying that they did not train hard, but from what I see, while I was training and running my hearts out, they were not there with me. And when they come back, they win me with ease.

Urghhh, it just makes me feel that the effort I put into training is a little useless. But no matter what, I'm just going to train and work hard, and know that everything will work out somehow.

An amazing quote I saw!

It is only a waste of time if you make it a waste of time.

- My Assistant Director in school

IF I HAD 1 WISH

If I had 1 wish, I would really wish for more time in a single day. Cant believe how much Im rushing for things after exams.

Absolutely no Title for This

My exams are finally over! And ITS. ITS....

Nope, not slacking time yet. Lots of things to do! Hahaha, totally unexpected but yeah. I have a council event going on and many things to plan for, and probably the most important thing, training.

Yup, training. Its Friday and I just attended the first training session AFTER A LONG BREAK. 4 Months ._. Not really encouraging. And Im not that spurred on either. I cannot afford to lose my form, to lose everything I worked so hard for, but I know He is here for me!

Today was awesome, I experienced another inspirational moment, from my very own senior. Just seeing him run and running with him, a surge of fear just came momentarily to me. I realised how much I have deproved, not saying that I should have won him, but even my mentality has paled in comparison to a few months back.

I need the strong will I once had back. And I will find it back. Definitely. I'm also quite worried about my injury coming back, and my leg is starting to hurt as well. I really just hope it is post-sports soreness, and not the injury I spent 4 months healing.

ALL THE WAY.

HEY AND YOU KNOW WHAT. I SPOTTED SOMETHING AWESOME.














I took 10 minutes and had to ask my classmate. WAHHAHA.

2 more papers. Just 2 more.

Come on. Just a little bit more to the end. 2 more papers. 2 times more concentration. 2 more hours of ... Yeah, you get my point.

Lastly, 2 more successes! Come on! All the way!

Its difficult, but I have to try

Yeahhh! Finally the week is done! And Im done with the reallly really maddd memorising of Science! Wahahahahahhaa. Really grateful to God for blessing me this whole week! But one thing to worry about is my dad is sick, I really pray that he recovers as soon as possible. I need to learn to trust Him!
One thing I learnt this week is that we really need to trust God, no matter what happens. Although we say this almost everytime, do we really trust Him? When things get complicated, when our heart starts to hurt, do we still put our faith in Him? Lots of things have been in my mind. Exam grades, time schedules, and my future in school. And then again, I worry every single day about all these stuff, but the very one important thing I seem to forget is, He is there.

I pray that I can put away all my worries in my mind, for He is there with me, no matter what happens. So, I should put my faith in Him no matter what happens as well, and He will bless.

Pek Chek

I really don't like it when there is so much work. My mind is just so concentrated on my work, that I lose the other side of my life. And as I reflect, I feel really disappointed, such a failure, that I only have work in my life.

On a side note, I'm back from injury! Something I am really glad about! The feeling to be able to run once again is amazing. I'm going to train!

A constant thought

Just standing on the top of the hill, looking at the scenery is not enough. I know, there are things beyond that scenery, things that are awaiting me to explore. But I need guts. I need faith.

A super exhausting week

Although this week was a holiday week, it was tiring, really mentally exhausting.

(On a sidenote, the posts these few weeks would really be quite short, long posts coming in during weekends!)

Hahahah! Justin we did it!

Two days ago, God has shown me his presence once again. This time, by touching the heart of my friend. I just feel really really really blessed and assured that He is there for me, and that He will be there for me no matter what. I can trust Him.

I was just talking to my friend about 2 days back, and we began talking about the problems he face. And just as He was talking about how painful it was to be hurt in a relationship with his good friend, I began to bring Him into the topic, and that was probably the best move I made.
My friend was facing friends that were mean, that made him feel replaceable, that made him feel really sad. And just as I was speechless, I talked about the graciousness of God.

Perhaps, what we face right now are friends that make us feel depressed, friends that treat us in a way we do not wish to be treated, or even people who may just make us feel utterly hopeless. But I'm sure God knows. God is there with us. What we can do, is to just stick to God's words tightly, and never forgetting His presence.

Because God will only give us the best, He promised us so, and He has done so. He has given us His only son, Jesus, to us, which is the best thing He can ever give. What other reservations can He have for us?

And he touched me in the most special way on that day. While I was talking to my friend, a thought just came to my mind to remind Him to read Our Daily Bread. At that time, my heart trusted Him. I trusted that He will put words of wisdom in that day's Daily Bread.

And he did so.

The words that were written there were so closely related to what my friend and I was talking about that I was just simply amazed. Just simply amazed. How amazing He is, and how wonderful He is. He has once again reminded me that no matter what we face, we just have to stick with His words.

Thank you God!

~.~

Oh man, today was aimless. I just feel that sometimes I really have very little to look forward to, and I get really really frustrated when this happens. No good, absolutely no good. I really hope I can change this though. I dont want to spend another day waking up, staring at my com, wondering whether I should do work. And then falling asleep, waking up to realise that I have only very little time left to do work and rushing it.

I really feel that days like this are a waste, I could be better off doing something that is practical, that is useful!

On a sidenote, I really do wish to spread the gospel to a really good friend of mine. I really do. But I do not know how to start the topic, to open up my mouth and start that topic. I pray that I will have the courage to talk to that person about it, and God touches that person's heart.

@.@

Ahh, woke up and had continuous sneezing, even when Im typing this right now. Not sure whether it had got to do with the weather and everything, the constant downpour these days or the ashes flying up and into my house every now and then.

Anyway, I just had a bad bad night last night, turning around on my bed until about 3am I guess. Could not sleep at all. I wished that I could sleep though, and I prayed. But it didn't seem to work out though, after trying again and again.


But what probably made the difference at 3am was that I realised that I was not trusting Him. Although I did pray, my heart was rock solid, still not trusting Him that He can bring me to slumber. And eventually when I decided to trust him fully, I fell asleep.

Yep anyway, Im grateful to Him, but still a little irritated with my nose.

._.

Woah, its a double post on the same day! Just had a sudden feeling to go put down my feelings, feelings that have been brewing for a long long time.

A few weeks back, I just had a talk with my dao shi, which is my cell group leader 'teacher'. It was about track. Yep, as you trace back to my second post, you would probably realise that I am injured athlete, a badly injured athlete at that. I really really feel very sad, very depressed when I cannot train, and its a feeling that I cannot describe.

Disallowing an eager athelete to run is like taking the legs of a runner, taking the fingers of a pianist. To be honest, track has been something I disliked alot, but since I am forced to enter track and field, I decided to just follow my fate. But after training and training so hard, track has become a part of me.

Track is probably one of the time where I can really let go of everything, and just let out all my anger, all the things bothering me on the track, on every single step I take on the track. And when I sweat it all out, it really feels good.

To me, track is the simplest thing. Its the only time when I do not need to care about what others think of me, the repercussions of my actions, but just run, run and run. My teammates have become a part of my life, track has become something I cannot do without.

Just coming back to the point of talking to my dao shi, I have come to realise that God should be placed above everything else. Am I unknowingly placing track above God?

God can give me the blessing to win my nationals, and similarly, God can take away everything he has given me.

*Prayer for the day : I hope I can place God above everything else. Above all.*

Keyboarrrd

Yep, Im currently taking up keyboard lessons for church. Glad to be able to do so. But the main problem Im facing now is that Im not able to fill in properly! Fortunately, I have Stanley shifu to help me.
Jokes aside, keyboard has been a platform of joy, for expressing myself and I really do enjoy myself during band practice. To be able to play in a band with my friends is a wonderful feeling, a truly wonderful thing.

I really just let go of everything in my mind. Every single, little, small, irritating thing bothering me everyday. And Im really grateful to God that Im able to do that.

Hopefully, really hopefully I can continue to be able to improve. All for Him and Him only.

=)

Woah, it has been long since I posted huh, but I just felt the sudden need to use this blog to express my feelings again.

Competition is tomorrow, in Malaysia, a competition I have worked so hard for. Right now, I am still injured. I don't know anymore, an injury that has been bothering me for 2 to 3 months. I have abstained from training hard, massaged it everyday, yet it is still here. Now, it is hindering my way towards the competition. I just really want to work hard for it and to go there and give my best, yet I am denied to do so. Every hope, every positivity I had for the past 2 months seems to be crushed. When you have been training so long, it just seems that winning medals is not the main point anymore, but rather, the desire to just give everything all is something that is tremendously weighing my heart. I really really do hope I can give everything I have, to do my country proud, and to do myself proud.

I just hope that I can finish my race without regrets, and walk out of the stadium with my head held high, thinking "I have given it my all".

Please do pray for me.

Woah

I myself dont believe I am turning back to blogger after failing to use my blogger account properly, currently stuck with 4 blogs and unable to delete them. Okay anyway, I just hope this could be a platform for me to express my feelings, especially when my mind is completely stuck at the middle of the night. Well, no harm trying I guess, at most when it fails, I will just leave it to be forgotten for a long long time.

Right, coming back. These few days were really very, aimless. Well, I am a student in Singapore right now, and I am currently having my holidays and I was kind of expecting this to happen before the holidays even started.

It is just that I have been rushing so much, meeting deadlines, completing homework over and over again throughout my whole life such that it has come to a point that I am just really tired and I do not know why am I doing this for.

Have you ever asked yourself why are you rushing so hard for?

Or are you just heading aimlessly, following what everyone else does?

I myself cant answer my own question, and its really getting to my head. Hope this 1am post would cure this irritating feeling and help me find my answer really soon.

Yup, sorreh for the short post.

Will come back on another really late night. Ahahaha.